wish I had said this

Sadly, No! » It’s time to bring back the public stocks:

Just because you live in the middle of nowhere doesn’t make you more authentic than me. It just means you have a much longer drive to the airport.

Now, ever since Sarah Palin came along, this election has been falsely framed as a contest between salt-of-the-earth, small-time maverick westerners and snooty eastern elites. You know, there’s people who go to church on Sunday, and there’s people who go to brunch.

Even fast-talking, cross-dressing Rudy Giuliani – the former mayor of New York City – accused Obama of being too cosmopolitan. That’s like being called a douche-bag by Andy Dick.

And…and listen to Mitt Romney from the same convention. He said, “If America really wants change, it’s time to look for the sun in the west, because it’s about to rise and shine from Arizona and Alaska. Of course, if the sun actually did rise in the west, that would mean the earth is spinning backwards and we’d all fly into space. But, then Mormons were never big on science. As you well know.

But, what Mitt was getting at is that the East Coast is where all the liberals, with their bad ideas, come from. You know, bad ideas like the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. As opposed to the brilliant ideas that have come out of the west like frontier justice and wearing cowboy boots with a suit.

The ideas this nation was founded on came from the most cosmopolitan people of their day, the founding fathers, who believed in science, who looked to Europe for wisdom, and who had no use for ignorant hicks like Bush and Palin.

Truth is – the truth is, as America moved west and got farther away from its birthing in Boston and Philadelphia, it became less American, not more. We keep hearing about small-town values, you know, like shooting wolves from an airplane or forcing your daughter into a doomed, loveless marriage.

Cities are about diversity of thought. Small towns are about…well, crystal meth. And, last year, police found 42 meth labs in Sarah Palin’s home county. Drug addiction is a terrible thing, but apparently it beats living in Wasilla sober.

There’s so much meth in this town, I’m surprised the Palins didn’t have a kid named “Tweaker.”

So, now I know what they mean when they talk about the Alaska spirit. Ah, yes, Alaska, where the townsfolk are jittery and the hockey players screw right through the condoms.


brazen arrogance

Top Democratic donors (read: donors who buy into Hillary Clinton’s sense of entitlement) issue a warning to Nancy Pelosi:

Shorter version:

Dear Madame Speaker,

Believe and say what we tell you to believe and say or else.


[From TPM Election Central | Talking Points Memo |]

food observations

quote of the day

Or as a comic store employee explained to me back then, the problem with Sandman was that people bought it to read, and they couldn’t be persuaded to just buy lots of copies as investment items. [From little bit of politics]

<scratches head> People really do that?


bonus quote of the day

We have a tyrant in the White House. To argue otherwise is foolish. And we should be afraid. President Bush has nothing to lose: he’s comfortable with his 30% approval numbers; he’s a lame duck; he seemingly doesn’t care about his legacy or the GOP’s future; and he’s willing to shred the Constitution, with a smug grin on his face, in order to achieve his goals. This is a perilous time for the nation. [From The Rule of Law]